I Have Been Issued A Challenge

Someone asked, “Seriously, really, is anyone fool enough to try to drink a 4.3L Stein of Science worth beer?  There is no way that they will stay conscious long enough to see if it’s cold all they way to the bottom.”

With a gauntlet thrown down like that, I must pick it up and declare “I AM THAT FOOL!”

First,  I must build it.  I have the dewar on hand it is just a matter of overcoming procrastination.  By publicly declaring my intentions, this lessens the slack factor.

Second,  I must buy the beer.  That will be a pleasure.

Lastly, I must survive.  Friends will be on hand with helpful boardgames to point, laugh and dial Poison Control if necessary.

So it begins.  Onward…TO ADVENTURE!

Concerning British Battle Knees

Once upon a time last year, my Lovely Assistant went digging through the internet and came across the song “Cup of Brown Joy” by Professor Elemental.  The Lovely Assistant is more of a devotee of tea than coffee due to her next level of sweet tooth and prolonged exposure to Ireland and their “go on, have a nice cuppa”.  I think we may have listened to it at least once an hour for several days.

“Cup of Brown Joy”, by Professor Elemental

Lo and behold, last month the fabulous tune “Fighting Trousers” came out, brought to my attention by Internet Rasputin and Love Swami, Warren Ellis.  This had the finest display of British Battle Knees since Monty was at El Alamein.

“Fighting Trousers” by Professor Elemental

To my delight, Ed Zitron (the same gentleman who decided my fine works were worthy of sharing with the world on the Huffington Post) was also able to secure a rather amusing interview with Professor Elemental.  I am exceptionally pleased to see my neologism “British Battle Knees” appear in the interview.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled Cyber Monday mass consumption.

For Those Giving the Gift Of Scientific Drinking

***At this point, the only way you’re getting things in time for Christmas is by direct hand off.  Of course, if you don’t care about that, then these cut-off dates don’t apply to you anyway.  New Years is approaching…***

I, first, commend you for your dedication to your loved ones by recognizing their need for More Awesome in their lives.  Be it a Stein of Science, a Subaru Outback converted into a hovercraft, a 6pk of Black Blood of the Earth, or a gold plated quarter-stick of dynamite, you have chosen to give the very best.  However, there’s a few things you should probably think about when placing an order for this holiday season:

  1. BBotE Is Perishable: When refrigerated, it has a shelf-life of about three months.  If you’re going to wrap it and put it under the tree, this a present to put out on Christmas Eve and the promptly put back in the fridge after unwrapping.
  2. International Shipments Of BBotE Go Out Express Mail On Mondays: Because I don’t want BBotE to get stuck in postal facilities or customs, I only send it out on Mondays to minimize their time in bureaucratic hell.  This means only three more Mondays to try to get BBotE out internationally before Christmas.
  3. Steins of Science Have A Three Week Lead Time: The steins are built to order and it sometimes takes a while to get parts in.  Generally, things move much faster than that but you have been warned of the possibility of delays.
  4. BBotE Production Is First Come, First Served: My maximum daily production output is 6L per day. Thus, people who request cases will lock up production for two days.  Yes, I am looking into increasing production capacity which will probably double the output.
  5. There’s No Kosher Or Halal Certification: While Robert Anton Wilson did confer the papacy upon me, and all the other people in the Porter College Dining Hall, this does not permit me to sanctify food.  Sorry.
  6. The 4300mL Stein of Science Is Ridiculously Large: Seriously, BIG.  It will should take an entire pre-game, Super Bowl, and wrap up to go through this much beer.  I’m just sayin’…

Check Out All That Majesty

As a belated birthday present from the lovely people at St. George Spirits, I have received an invitation to the Sierra Nevada 30th Anniversary Celebration.  Accordingly, I have constructed a fleet of steins for the occasion that they might drink in scientific style.  If you are at the hootenanny in Chico and must have one, look for some random drunk holding a Stein of Science and they can probably aim you toward me.  I just might have an extra handy.

Nine Steins To Rule Them All
Nine Steins To Rule Them All (with Flanking 1000ml Steins)

A High Powered Mutant Never Meant For Mass Production

Behold, Dr. Antonio DiPasquale!  Not only is he the possessor of the ChemKeg Dominator, one of the two three 4.3L Steins of Science I’ve built, but he is also the first individual human with a proper bottle (ignoring initial test subjects, your dear Herr Direktor Funranium and Mrs. Fitzpatrick of Austenacious), to achieve MAXIMUM HONOR.  St. George Spirits has done it twice so far, but it was something of a team effort by the magical booze pixies that inhabit the hangar.

A toast to Antonio!  (The smile lets you know he senses your fear.  Back away slowly and leave the coffee and/or booze on the ground.  Do not take your eyes off his or he will attack.  If he bares fangs, run.)

The Madness of Dr. DiPasquale
Dr. Antonio DiPasquale and the Rictus of Delight that 4.5L of BBotE Brings

Alchemy

Per the Oxford English Dictionary, alchemy is:

1. The chemistry of the Middle Ages and 16th c.; now applied distinctively to the pursuit of the transmutation of baser metals into gold, which (with the search for the alkahest or universal solvent, and the panacea or universal remedy) constituted the chief practical object of early chemistry.

A while back, I declared my willingness to support the barter economy by trading the wares of Funranium Labs to those who make things as well but who would not be otherwise able to afford my fine products.  Today, I received an urgent missive from an unemployed gal who, in a fit of uncaffeinated foolishness, purchased some not-so-great supermarket flavored coffee.  Lamenting this failure of judgment with internet wails & tweets, a member of the Funranium Labs Shadow Courier Network told her of the delights to be found in BBotE.  She, in turn, spent a good 45min of her life digging through my blather as one thing you have plenty of when you’re unemployed is time.  When she hit the barter economy post, she dropped me a line.

By trade, she had been an executive assistant and offered her services in barter if they would be of use to Funranium Labs.  Sadly, I can’t make full use of them but I was struck by the opportunity.  There are any number of things I don’t have the time/talent to do to improve the world but one that I have always wanted to do is to help out RAINN.  I asked if, in exchange for a bounty of caffeination, she’d be willing to volunteer some time to a local affiliate of RAINN as my proxy.

She said sure and will report for duty at Bay Area Women Against Rape, BBotE in hand to give her strength.  If the world is truly awesome, perhaps a job will soon materialize for her out of this.

I’ve transmuted coffee into help for an organization that has helped more friends and family than I really like to think about.  That is golden.  It’s alchemy.

BBotE Experimentation – Caffe Vita’s Ethiopian Nigusie Lemma

BIRTHDAY RELATED ANNOUNCEMENT: In honor of the most important holiday in the calendar, my birthday, I grant a 10% off coupon that will be good through 11:59pm PST November 3rd.  Coupon Code: “PHILMAS”.

ROCK RELATED ANNOUNCEMENT: Herr Direktor Funranium had the pleasure of seeing Rock Sugar perform at the Harrah’s South Shore Room.  Not only did I win the impersonate Axl Rose contest (15 years of annoying friends and family in the car singing along to GNR paid off) , but I had the pleasure doing a demonstration of proper headbanging technique with the lead singer.  I am told my waist length red hair was as a corona of flame, though I sadly lack pictorial evidence at this time.  If you need more convincing of Rock Sugar’s awesome, just start listening to their tunes on YouTube.

And now…COFFEE:

Following up on last week’s post about Caffe Vita’s Guatemala Mundo Nuvo, it is time to share the results  of the other half of the experiment.  To reiterate, I felt the best approach for comparison was to ask for a region I’d already tested extensively from a variety of farms, roasters, and roasts (Ethiopia) and for something that they were proud of, something that got them excited.  Last week was their new Mundo Nuvo, this week is testing against the Ethiopia Standard, something that I advocate for use in the financial markets over gold.

A Bounty Of Caffe Vita Coffee

Now, you might ask why I consider Ethiopia to be a baseline coffee region and the answer is quite simple: they cultivated it first.  Whether you believe the tale of the goatherd and his bouncy, excitable goats is up to you but cultivation of coffee as crop definitely began here and spread to the world beyond.  The lovely arabica beans we seek are the patrimony of the Horn of Africa.

The challenge is to catch everything that was observed in this coffee’s BBotE.  Caffe Vita’s Nigusie Lemma is all over the map in flavors and the disturbing/pleasing part is that it has proven replicable.  Served straight and cold, there was an interesting strawberry flavor on the front of the tongue, though general consensus was of a fruitiness retained from the cherry.   On the nose it has a clean cucumber aroma.  In direct contrast to the Mundo Nuvo which had a sharper nose, the Nigusie Lemma had the bite on the tongue.

That bite was a fascinating salty/sweet nutty flavor with the deep, rich earthy flavor I expect from Ethiopian coffees.  It took a good 15min casting about to find something even close in flavor and that is soy sauce.  I think I could happily pour this BBotE over rice.  Pleasantly savory, which is a fine reflection of the fatty, oily extraction.

One of my favorite Test Subjects was driven into synethesia once again by BBotE and described the flavor as “Bassy, not sharp.  It’s all lowrider *BOOM*, and not the tweeters, you know?”  I think so, but it might be good to take a ride down International Blvd. while sipping this just to make sure.

When we moved onto the vodka test, I was somewhat less impressed at first.  The vodka blended the flavors together which wasn’t necessarily all that great, just a good solid COFFEE flavor.  But the length of the flavor on the palate…it was just a never-ending play on a ride cymbal, to extend the previous musical metaphor.  Just for fun, I did the same absinthe mix that I did before and I’ll be damned if I didn’t get a strong cinnamon flavor out of the cocktail.

In summation, I am impressed with the wares of Caffe Vita.  It was only after I began doing all this that I discovered that I am very well acquainted with the wares of their affiliate, Theo Chocolates.  My sister was a grad student at the University of Washington and very, very happily worked on the coffee & chocolate exhibit at the Burke Museum.  I am still in possession of some fantastic curry chocolate bars that I horde jealously.

Discussing N’awlins Style BBotE Again

One of the reasons I make these posts here is so that I can have them handy to go reference later when my faculties are failing me.  So, when someone asked me again if I could make a N’awlins-style chicory BBotE I said to myself, “Aha!  You’ve already answered this one.  Email the link, you’re home free and it’s martini time.”  Alas, when I went hunting I discovered that the post disappeared into the black hole of server migration.  So, here it is again with entirely new words and a couple months extra thinking.

As you may or may not be aware, the chicory referred to in N’awlins coffee is a roasted root of the endive family that has little or nothing to do with coffee beans and has no caffeine.  So, why would you ever use it?  Answer: it tastes somewhat like coffee with an interesting “rooty” flavor when roasted.  That’s nice, but why would use it instead of coffee?  Answer: because sometimes you don’t have any coffee.

In times of deprivation, usually war and/or winter in Europe, something had to be done to bulk out the coffee supplies until fresh shipments arrived from abroad.  The Napoleonic Wars and the decade following the Year Without A Summer were a grim time to be a coffee drinker; luckily chicory does relatively well with cold and weak sunlight.  Or as a merchant you could increase your inventory by “stepping on” your coffee with chicory, to use the heroin and cocaine parlance.

Of course, coffee had always been something of a luxury that the poor of the 17th, 18th & 19th century never really had.   Chicory had the advantage of being more readily soluble in water which meant you could get more the roasted “coffee” flavor with less raw material than coffee required.  Make fun of the third world if you like, but as home to the former colonial coffee plantations their inhabitants were enjoying a better and purer coffee than what got sent home to their imperial overlords.  Assuming of course they didn’t lose a limb or get flogged for trying coffee rather than shipping it (SEE ALSO: pre-revolution Haiti and very similar blood diamond practices). Taken from this point of view, coffee mixed with chicory very likely was the normal flavor of coffee for most of the western world as recently as World War One and saw a resurgence during the Great Depression.  Of course, New Orleans had always been making their morning brew this way as they stayed close to their chronically short-of-coffee French roots (yes, I should be summarily shot for that pun).

Anyway, when asked if I’d be willing to try a N’awlins the first time I gave it a bit of a think and decided to learn a bit more about chicory.  If anything, making BBotE has been an education in the pharmacopoeia of coffee, highlighting the presence of things other than caffeine in the coffee bean and suggesting that I might be doing a preferential extraction of the chemicals present.  The very first thing I ran across was that the a category of pharmaceutical effect I’d never heard of for several of the extracted oils: emmenagogue – promotes or stimulates menstration; in high doses can function as an abortifact.

In light of this discovery, N’awlins BBotE seems like a Terrible Bad No Good Idea for half of the human race, especially if the extraction of those chicory oils is anywhere near as efficient as the pull for caffeine seems to be.

Sometimes the best science is the bit you don’t do.

BBotE Experimentation – Caffe Vita’s Guatemala Mundo Nuvo

Following Test Subject Zitron’s ebullient article on the Huffington Post, I received a flurry of emails.  Some of them were not offers for male enhancement.  One was from the nice folks at Caffe Vita who asked if I was interested in experimenting with their wares and if I would be so kind as to share the results with the world.

As if you could stop me from doing so.  Much to Funranium Mom’s despair, and now my Lovely Assistant, it is nigh impossible to shut me up when there is something I am itching to share.  And oh my, is there a scratch…

I felt the best approach for comparison was to ask for a region I’d already tested extensively from a variety of farms, roasters, and roasts (Ethiopia) and for something that they were proud of, something that got them excited.  This is akin to how I test new bartenders; I will ask for a drink that I love and make extremely well myself (the exquisite Manhattan) and then I will ask them to “show me their moves” as Dance Dance Revolution says.  I judge by my standard and then I prepare to be wowed by their standard.  Caffe Vita did not disappoint, providing a statistically significant quantity of their Ethiopia Nigusie Lemma and Guatemala Mundo Nuvo (no link available).

A Bounty Of Caffe Vita Coffee
A Bounty Of Caffe Vita Coffee

The challenge is to catch everything that was observed in this coffee’s BBotE.  The overwhelming consensus is that, regardless of form (hot & dilute, straight & cold, or mixed with vodka), toffee/chocolate is the dominating flavor but far from the only one.

And while the consensus of was chocolatey delight for flavor, the smell that stuck me most dramatically was that of pipe tobacco.  As a child, I used to love stealing my great-grandfather tobacco pouch and smelling it.  During extraction, I was instantly transported back to the that pouch with the Southern Railway logo.  To others, the nose was generally found to be a bitey toffee aroma.  And I quote, “A pleasant piquancy you never get off a Christmas toffee”.  Yes, someone has spent too much time pretending to be a Victorian toff, so forgive him.

As a hot water dilution, I found a similar martini-like dry sensation to other Guatemalans I’ve tested but only on the front sides of the tongue, which played well with the rich butter pecan flavor.  On the exhale, it was strangely floral.  As a son of the Great State of Florida this could just be my flower programming, but I swear it was hibiscus.

Straight and cold BBotE, as stated before, varying degrees of chocolate were claimed by the tasters with a creaminess familiar from the coating fats of the Ethiopia & Colombia Finca Yara tests of yore.  It tasted decidedly sweet and salty milk chocolate to me with a nice earthy/buttery coating character.  One claim was made for shortbread, calling to the creamy buttery flavor, and we could see that.  A nutty/fruity note was also claimed, though those claims were all over the map of stone fruits.  I was inclined toward apricots, but that pecan was strong.  Such is the challenge with the experiential flavor reference library of the mind trying to put words to flavors.

By far the most interesting response was from Test Subject James’ jalapeno sullied palate.  And I quote, “Briny, canned tuna…but sweet with chocolate.  I like it!”  I think there may be a future for hard chocolate shell encapsulated sashimi.  Foster’s Freeze and Starkist should get together it seems…

When combined with vodka for the customary test of alcohol opening, the typical increase in sweetness was observed in the BBotE but with a muting of the pleasant piquant bite.  Otherwise, no significant change flavor just a lengthening the the duration of aftertaste.

Because I can’t leave well enough alone and thought the flavor complex enough that something interesting might happen, I mixed a modicum of the Mundo Nuvo BBotE into a glass of absinthe over ice.  It became “annis Oreos”.  Chocolate, creamy, pricking of of the previously stated piquancy, a subtle absinthe bite and coolness.  Very enjoyable.

Another batch is running now to check for reproducibility of flavor.

Next: Caffe Vita’s Ethiopia Nigusie Lemma

Oh, Canada.

A great hue and cry has been rising up from the northlands, primarily from Vancouver and Toronto, with honorable mention to Calgary and Halifax, asking the following:

“WHY DOES IT COST SO MUCH TO SHIP TO CANADA?  WE’RE RIGHT NEXT TO AMERICA!!!”

Some of you used very colorful metaphors, explicatives, imperatives, and biological impossibilities.  I understand people getting emotional about BBotE and Steins of Science, I really do, but I’m glad Funranium Mom has not been giving the task of mail reader.  She has a delicate constitution and can’t take such maple crazed imagery.  Strangely, a similar declaration of vexation has not come from Mexico and the Caribbean.  Go figure.

It is the same answer as why it is so expensive for everywhere else in the world: Customs and, in the case of BBotE, perishability.

As far as the United States Postal Service is concerned, London, Ontario is no different than London, England.  They only really start getting concerned when I ask them to ship something with tracking and insurance to the dark heart of Africa (quote: “3-5 days?  To Kinshasa?!?! You gotta be kidding me.”)  Slower shipping works for the steins, but BBotE must go global express to get to you in a timely manner.  And no, UPS and FedEx are decidedly not cheaper.

So, what is a Canuck in need to do?  Speaking from my experience taking several liters of delicious alcohol and BBotE to Australia and New Zealand, evidence suggests that Immigration & Quarantine officers are somewhat uninterested in bottles of hypercoffee, though they are very concerned by sausages.

Step 1 – Make a friend in an American border town.

Step 2 – Have said friend purchase delights on your behalf.

Step 3 – Come to America and pay said friend for their trouble.  I also suggest buying them a beer.

Step 4 – Return home where the beavers and bison frolic freely.

In so doing, you are reversing the Bronfman Montreal liquor trade from the Prohibition Era but with caffeine.  Really, it’s only fair.

I Don’t Even Like To Think About It

And I apologize for broaching the topic before the high holy days of the Halloween/Birthday-tide season have passed, but *INSERT WINTER HOLIDAY CELEBRATION OF CHOICE* here is approaching.  Talking to the people I was taking money from while playing poker on Tuesday, they made the black cold dread of the imminent holiday shopping creep up my spine.

For Black Blood of the Earth, the concern is somewhat ameliorated by the fact that I am not running at the full 6L/day production capacity right now.  I can accommodate some ridiculous coffee demands (although I might make some local roasters upset/happy by rapidly depleting their supplies) but eventually, like Scotty, I’ll be givin’ ‘er all I’ve got, Cap’n.  If it gets to that point, I will start snapping some purchasing limits down on the BBotE to make sure that I can meet the production in a timely manner.  If you know that you are going to want a large quantity of BBotE, let me know ASAP so I can plan the schedule (hyper-caffeinated holiday parties have to be at least as fun as hep’d up weddings).

For Steins of Science, I normally quote a three week production lead time with first-com first-serve as I build to meet demand, following a good Just-In-Time inventory model.  In slow times, I tend to get steins out within the week they are ordered and I have only overrun the three week estimate once.  Of course, anyone who has worked a Kanban production line can let you know exactly how fun it gets when the supply lines don’t run right.  I have some concerns about a December rush, so I definitely recommend doing steins sooner rather than later just in case.

There, now the cold black dread has been transferred from me to all of you.  I’m gonna go hide under my desk again now if you don’t mind.

Announcing Brad, BBotE Pimp of Greater Santa Barbara

Mr. Brad Hubbard, the humble soul responsible for the current fourth iteration of this website, has declared his undying devotion to the Black Blood, held the sword & rope in judgment among his brethren & sistren, and not been found wanting.  In so doing, he has been anointed Pimp of Greater Santa Barbara with all rights, duties, privileges, and cocktails incumbent thereon.  His measurements will be available in the 2012 Funranium Labs centerfold spread and he shall have his first case of 750ml bottles available for local distribution this Friday if the winds are true.

You may contact him to arrange your fix by emailing: bbote [at] bradhubbard [dot] net

Goleta, represent!

How To Refill & Congratulations Are In Order

For the second time, St. George Spirits has achieved MAXIMUM HONOR.  If you have ever gone for a tasting and wondered why the staff seems to vibrate through walls, this is why:

MAXIMUM HONOR, Bottle 2
MAXIMUM HONOR, achieved over the span of 5 months

If you too would like to achieve GREAT HONOR, refills are relatively easy to do.  You just have to do the following things:

  1. Rinse out your bottle.
  2. Put your name somewhere on the label in permanent marker.
  3. Put the bottle back in the shipper it was sent to you in and return it to my address on the box.  While I sent it out to you with fast shipping, there is no need for the empty bottle to come back with any speed.
  4. Send an email to let me know to expect it.  In return, I will send you a 10% off coupon code to purchase your refill of BBotE as I would like to promote the re-use of the bottles.
  5. Wait impatiently, staring at your mailbox and harassing you postal carrier, repeatedly asking, “Is it here yet?  How ’bout now?”

But I hear the head scratching from the folks who purchased their bottles from your local BBotE Pimps or Pimpstresses as you wonder how you can get refills too.  ‘Tis easy.  Do Steps 1 & 2, but return your bottle to your respective Pimp/Pimpstress as they will be sending an empty Case O’ Caffeination back to me.  When the case returns, your refilled bottle will be in there.

Even More Q&A

Okay, you all are mail-bombing me and it is fantastic.  I love me some “Ask Dr. Science” action while wielding a delicious cocktail.  Bringing it on thusly:

Question 1: So, of the different Steins of Science, which one is best?  These things are expensive and I want to get the best one.

Answer: This is like going to the slave market and asking a mother which of her children will provide good value for money. But, if I were going to judge strictly on beverage temperature stability I’d have to say that the 1000ml is your best performer.  The cryostat properties are primarily a function of the ratio of vessel volume to liquid surface area exposed to air.

Let’s get numerical and create a “Beer Coldness Number” for the steins, AKA the volume to exposed surface area ratio, where lower is better: 350ml = 10.996, 665ml = 5.787, 1000ml = 3.848, 1900ml = 5.952, and 4300ml = 3.735.

Of the five, the 4300ml monster actually has the least exposed surface area for the liquid volume…but I somewhat doubt you’ll be wandering into a bar with the 4300ml.  The 1000ml stein is a more reasonable size to confront the average bartender with and the 4300ml is only a marginal improvement in relative performance.

Which brings us to our next question…

Question 2: Will bartenders really serve me in these steins?

Answer: Mainly depends on how awesome your bartender is and if the place suffers from a bad case of computers.  I find that the 665ml tends to be the most readily accepted size in my bar wanderings.

More seriously, most bar order tracking software has only been programmed to cope with pints & halves.  Outside of German restaurants and the nation of Germany proper, the computer probably isn’t programmed to cope with 1000ml servings.  Getting served with the half (350ml) and the imperial pint sized stein (665ml) hasn’t been a problem outside of Australia so far.  Bars without newfangled order tracking systems tend to be more loose and free with what they’re willing to serve in, although they are welcome to be similarly loose and free with the price they charge you (I’m looking at you, England).

Now, the tricky part is does your stein fit under their taps?  Shockingly, this has been a problem with the 1000ml at some places. To the best of my knowledge, no one has tried to take a 4300ml into a bar…

Oh, protip, some places will try to do a favor and stick your stein in the dishwasher to clean it.  DON’T let them do this.  Just water rinse.

Further Q&A, with Herr Direktor Funranium

Hello everybody.  Since last we spoke more questions have rolled in and BBotE & Steins of Science have rolled out to new countries.  Without further ado, your paraphrased & consolidated questions and my answers:

Question 1: “I saw what *INSERT PERSONAGE OF FANBOY ADORATION HERE* said about your stuff.  Can you introduce me to them?”

No, I can’t.  Honestly, awesome people are, first and foremost, people.  The best thing to do in order to get to know people is to say hello to them.  This is how I got to talking to them.  Being a nutter doing crazy things with scientific apparatus and alcohol helped in my case, but it is just as likely to chase people away too (trust me).  So, if they’ve made a publicly available way to contact them, drop them a line.  The worst that can happen is that they ignore you as you fall into the shuffle of several other thousand people vigorously waving their hands for attention too.

Question 2: “I really love *INSERT VARIETAL OF COFFEE HERE*.  Have you tried it as a Black Blood of the Earth yet?”

Answer: Go digging back through the Coffee News archive and you can see the trials so far that I’ve committed to the permanent record.  Not all BBotEs have been resounding successes which is why the five that are available are the ones they are.  Beyond being delicious, the coffee has to yield a replicable BBotE, which is sometimes tricky with light and medium roasts.  I will generally try a given varietal or roast two or three times from a couple different sources before I truly fire it.  Sulawesi and most any french roast have proven to be Not Good with BBotE processing.

Question 3: “I’ve got a liquid nitrogen dewar here in the lab.  It looks like all you did was slap a handle on one and I can do that myself.  Did you know that there are cheap dewars available on eBay?”

Answer: Okay, here’s where you guys tempt me back to my day job safety professional role.  There is a reason I use new dewars to build the Steins of Science, namely you have no idea where a used dewar has been and what has been done in it and/or around it. But I hear you thinking, “This dewar is in my lab.  I bought it.  I know exactly what I’ve done with it and all it has ever held is liquid nitrogen.”  To which I can only say, “Are you sure?”

Benchtop dewars are normally used to dip a piece of glassware known as a cold tip into the liquid nitrogen to help with extraction processes while doing chemistry (yes, I know that is a vague and unspecific explanation).  The problem is that sometimes these cold tips break and then whatever chemistry you were doing is now in your dewar along with the liquid nitrogen.  Liquid nitrogen is inert; your now failed bit of chemistry that was in the cold tip may not be.  There is also the fact that dewars tend to get stored under fume hood, sinks, and other generally low places where things can get into them from work above.

Sure, you can do some very thorough chemical cleaning to make it safe again but, really, no thank you.  I’ll take a new dewar, thanks.

Also, just putting a handle on is not quite as easy as it sounds.  Doing it without causing shrapnel as you are holding the dewar is the challenge.

Question 4: “Where is the Scientific Drinking World Tour going to next?”

Answer: Honestly, I haven’t the foggiest.  There’s no planned travel on the docket until my birthday in early November and that’s not likely to go further than South Lake Tahoe, CA or Reno, NV.  Otherwise, I ‘ll be doing my usual puttering around the SF Bay Area with the occasional side trip to Monterey & Santa Cruz.  There is a slim chance that I will be going to Fairbanks, AK next June or possibly upstate NY.  I find planning more than 48hrs into the future seems to be difficult these days, so who knows.

Question 5: “What the deal with St. George Spirits showing up all the time?  Do you work there or something?”

Answer: No, I don’t work there but there are days that I wish I did.  To me, it is the happiest place on Earth.  Imagine, if you will, people that get to do all the fun I do but scaled up by four orders of magnitude…WITH ALCOHOL.  The folks there have a definite appreciation for improving life with More Awesome.

More importantly, the employees of the distillery and more than a few of their customers have extremely well refined palates.  They are my favorite guinea pigs.  I know that if a BBotE can pass their review, I’ve made something worthwhile.  In particular, without a few not-so-gentle swift kicks from Andie Ferman there wouldn’t be a Funranium Labs.  She rather insisted that I share with the world.

Alright.  The Final Countdown has tolled in the office, which means it is time to head to the bar.  Take care, Internet.