With a shuddering cringe, I realize that production timelines mean I need to make this reminder sooner rather than later so that no one is left out in the cold. Normally, I get rather grumpy with people that so much as breathe Christmas shopping in my general direction before Thanksgiving, but if I delay that long it might be too late for some folks. So, here’s my helpful thoughts I tossed together last year, with a few new additions from lessons learned in the last 12 months. And, yes, you may order now and drop a note asking me to delay production and delivery until December.
I, first, commend you for your dedication to your loved ones by recognizing their need for More Awesome in their lives with the gift of Scientific Drinking. Be it a 665ml Stein of Science, a Subaru Outback converted into a hovercraft, a 6pk of Black Blood of the Earth, or a gold plated quarter-stick of dynamite, you have chosen to give the very best. However, there’s a few things you should probably think about when placing an order for a gift from Funranium Labs:
- BBotE Is Perishable: When refrigerated, it has a shelf-life of about three months (possibly longer, but I’m only going to quote three). If you’re going to wrap it and put it under the tree, this a present to put out on Christmas Eve and the promptly put back in the fridge after unwrapping.
- International Shipments Of BBotE Go Out Express Mail: Because I don’t want BBotE to get stuck in postal facilities or customs, express is the only way to ship to minimize their time in bureaucratic hell. Expect it to take 3-5 business days to get to you.
- APO/FPO: If you wish to send something out to someone with an Armed Forces address, there’s good news and bad news. Good news – it’s no more expensive than priority mail. Bad news – I can’t guarantee any date as to when things will arrive. Outside of active war zones, things move somewhat normally; inside war zones and ships at sea, things get iffy. Also, depending on routing, some nations (I’m looking at you, Turkey) have bounced BBotE on the basis that it is, and I quote, “morally questionable material” on the basis that any liquid from the West must be alcoholic in nature. In short, I’ll do my best but you’ve been warned.
- Steins of Science Have A Three Week Lead Time: The steins are built to order and it sometimes takes a while to get parts in. Generally, things move much faster and ship within a week but you have now been warned of the possibility of delays. For some insight into which stein is the best fit for you, I rambled on that a while back. Steins that are on hand RIGHT NOW can be found here.
- BBotE Production Is First Come, First Served: My maximum daily production output is 9L per day. Thus, people who request 12pk cases will lock up production for two days.
- There’s No Kosher Or Halal Certification: While Robert Anton Wilson did confer the papacy upon me, and all the other people in the Porter College Dining Hall, this does not permit me to sanctify food. Sorry.
- The 4300mL Stein of Science Is Ridiculously Large: Seriously, BIG. It will should take an entire pre-game, Super Bowl, and wrap up to go through this much beer. Or one cricket match. I’m just sayin’…