Apologies For The Weird Production Windows

The production window closing on January 23rd, which was a long one due to CES 2016, has pretty much sold out and shipped. The next production window will be completely open on Saturday (some slots are already up) but its going to be a short window ending on February 2nd.  “Why?” you might ask. Because my Lovely Assistant and I will be heading to the Big Island of Hawaii for a week to get the hell out of the SF Bay Area during the Super Bowl. I hope everyone enjoys the game and general festivities but, honestly, the getting around here is bad enough at the best of times. Adding a couple hundred thousand extra people means it’s time for me to be elsewhere.

As has been previously discussed here, I love me some volcanoes and doing isotope geochemistry on their rocks has informed some of my coffee palate. As my other convenient volcanoes require serious snow and winter gear at the moment,  Hawaii is the name of the game. It’s been almost a decade since I’ve been there so I’m excited to see if my golden, transcendent memories of drinking all the coffee at the Kona Pacific Coffee Co-op hold true or it was all just a dream.

So, get you orders in now for the short pre-Hawaii tip production window. The window after that will go until February 27th. Sorry for the weird production windows to start 2016 but the holidays and travel have made things tricky.

As a slice of life from bartending at my friend’s hospitality suite for the 2016 Consumer Electronics Show, by far the weirdest moment was helping another friend, Fr. Gabriel, say mass. You see, the EZPR Suite is the happiest place in Las Vegas during CES as it has a well stocked bar, run by me, and a collection of wonderful people to hang out with, which happens to include a Dominican priest. Travel was badly messed up for everyone coming into Vegas so Fr. Gabriel got in painfully late and missed getting to mass at the cathedral. Its helpful to think of priests and monks as dedicated computers that run a very particular program, mass.exe, and it must be executed at least once per day; doesn’t need to be done in a church proper, doesn’t need a lot of people, but the program must be run.

It's sacrilicious!

Fr. Gabriel’s INSTANT ALTAR! Just add wine.

To this end, Fr. Gabriel has a Portable Altar which looks REMARKABLY SIMILAR to my 1960s portable bar from Executair. He was just going to use a closet in the suite, but I had the bright idea that there’s a bunch of wedding chapels in the hotel, usually unused, and maybe they’d be willing to let him use it as a quiet space. As happens a lot in my company, we got told “That’s a new one on me”, “I thought I’d heard everything”, and “No one’s ever asked that one before” a lot.

Please imagine, if you will, a fully decked out Dominican priest saying mass to himself, functioning as celebrant and congregation all in one, with an altar in miniature in the alcove of a casino chapel where they normally put the flowers and gifts. Please also imagine me, a long hair bearded ginger in shorts and Fallout t-shirt, elsewhere in the chapel trying to arrange refrigerator repair by phone at the same time. If there wasn’t a bunch of people gathered around the security monitors asking “What the fuck is going on here?” I’d be very surprised.

BBotE And Steins For The Last Minute Crowd

Really, raccoon stealing radioactive stuff. I'm not kidding.

IMPORTANT HOLIDAY RACCOON WARNING – Well, not really. This was to keep them from stealing radioactive stuff.

So, the shame of not having even started holiday shopping is setting in and it’s getting to the point where glasses of egg nog that are mostly bourbon isn’t blunting that feeling is it? Trust me, I feel your pain as I’ve been spending a lot of my time making BBotE and Steins of Science for the past several weeks. A late Thanksgiving this year compressed an already all too short production/shopping window and I’m feeling it. Judging by emails that are along the lines of “OMGWTFNWOHAARPISIS WHY CAN’T I ORDER ANYTHING ON YOUR SITE, WHY DO YOU HATE FREEDOM, IS THIS A CONSPIRACY?!?!?” other folks have picked up on this too.

Yes, all of the production slots for the window ending December 15th are gone. This is the sad truth.

I am going to open a small and short production window that will close December 23rd (some are already up, and more will open as I clear the backlog approaching the 15th). I will do my best to get everything ordered in this window out the door as fast as possible so that there’s a hope that you can give it as a Christmas gift but, well, 12L/day remains my maximum output. In light of all the calamities that can befall the US Postal Sevice, I can’t guarantee that your BBotE will make it to you in time, particularly if you’re outside of the United States. If you’re worried and really need to get your order ASAP in the US, drop me a line to plead your case for shuffling the order queue, and bite the bullet to pay for express shipping. I’ll see what I can do.

Speaking of overseas, specifically London, I do have the good news to give that your long dormant BBotE Ambassador, Justin, should see resupply by the end of the week, customs permitting. Feel free to drop him a line by email, jfedouloff [at] gmail [dot] com, if you’d like a piece of that.

Worse come to worse, I do have the option of gift certificates for you. Giving a coupon code is perhaps a little less exciting than a bottle of black ichor or shiny scientific hardware for drinking, but it’s better than nothing. Consulting with my sister, she recommends using glitter pens to jazz that code up when writing it in a tastefully irreverent card, but she is a inveterate glitterfiend and suggests that for most everything.

As for Steins of Science and the Stein #666 special offer, well, it’s quite close. The current inventory on hand can be found here if you’d like to get a piece of that action.

The Decembering 2015 Is At Hand!

As my Birthdaytide Fortnight draws to a close and Berkeley’s holiday lights go up in the trees, I must acknowledge what is coming and say the words that must be said.

It was only -38F that day. It's a dry cold.

My Ceremonial South Pole Hero Shot & Xmas Card 2002

The BBotE production window that closes December 1st is now up. This window is a little longer than normal because Thanksgiving is in there and I expect at least one day of turkey & pie coma.

The last pre-Xmas BBotE production window will close on December 15th. All things being equal, domestic or international, everything shipped by the 15th should end up at their destination by Christmas Eve. I can’t control weather doom snarling the global postal system utterly, but a week is usually quite sufficient even taking weather into account. I will put another pre-order window up after the 15th, but I make absolutely no guarantees about shipments in that window arriving before Xmas. Express mail gets more and more necessary in the last days. I’ll do my best, but that’s all I can do.

As far as steins go, I have a another large shipment of dewars slated to show up right just a bit before Thanksgiving. The “steins on hand” should dramatically increase, so keep an eye out on that page for the fluctuating numbers. Speaking of Steins of Science, Stein #666 hasn’t been claimed yet and there is a pretty sweet deal for who ever that lucky soul is who buys it. The current count is in the 650s, so it won’t be long now.

To reiterate shopping advice from the previous years, here’s a few things you should probably think about if you decide to place an order for a holiday gift from Funranium Labs:

  1. BBotE Is Perishable: When refrigerated, it has a shelf-life of about three months (possibly longer, but I’m only going to quote three).  If you’re going to wrap it up and put it under the tree, this a present to put out on Christmas Eve and the promptly put back in the fridge after unwrapping. Alternatively, embrace the idea of the holiday season and decide that give it to the recipient immediately, for all days are special.
  2. Let People Know BBotE Is Coming: I know part of the joy in presents is the surprise of what you get. However, joy is not the emotion most people feel when a bottle of mysterious black liquid shows up on their doorstep, especially if it’s been sitting there for a week outside because they were out of town. Give them a heads up, that something’s coming they’ll want to stick in the fridge. I will also tuck handling instructions in the box for a gift and a note stating who sent it if you ask me to.
  3. The pre-order slot dates date are “Ship No Later Than”, not “Ships After”. I get your orders out as soon as I can, but even in the furthest flung corner of the US with the slowest mail carrier, this means you should have your order in hand by December 18th for that last set of late order slots. If you want to order something NOW to ship later, in effect reserving a spot in a later order queue, you can do so but please leave a note with your order telling me when you want it to ship by.
  4. Yes, I will probably add a extra more slots as I get a handle on how much I can make at the last minute but shipping gets dicey in those last days before Christmas.
  5. International Shipments Of BBotE Go Out Express Mail: Because I don’t want BBotE to get stuck in postal facilities or customs, express is the only way to ship to minimize their time in bureaucratic hell. Expect it to take 3-5 business days to get to you, so time your orders accordingly to make sure things get to you in time.
  6. APO/FPO: If you wish to send something out to someone with an Armed Forces address, there’s good news and bad news. Good news – it’s no more expensive than priority mail. Bad news – I can’t guarantee any date as to when things will arrive. Outside of active war zones, things move somewhat normally; inside war zones and ships at sea, things get iffy. Also, depending on routing, some nations (I’m looking at you, Turkey) have bounced BBotE on the basis that it is, and I quote, “Morally Questionable Material” because, obviously, any liquid from the West must be alcoholic in nature. Amazingly, shipments to Korea and Okinawa seem to arrive faster than they do to other places on the west coast. Go figure. In short, I’ll do my best but you’ve been warned.
  7. Local Pick Up: Resupply shipments will go out to all the BBotE Ambassadors as fast as I can crank them out, so be sure to drop them a line if grabbing a bottle that way is convenient for you. I’m sure they’d like clean and empty refrigerators as their Christmas present.
  8. Turkey, Italy & Brazil: It breaks my heart to say this, I can’t ship to these countries. Italy, I absolutely do not trust your postal system. The level of theft shipping things anywhere south of Rome is, frankly, appalling. If you ask me to ship to Naples, I make absolutely zero guarantee of it arriving. Brazil, your customs causes shipment to languish for so long that the BBotE goes off before it arrives, even if shipped express; steins seem to be fine though. Turkey, well, I discussed those problems in #6.
  9. Steins of Science Have Lead Time Too: The steins are built to order and it sometimes takes a while to get parts in.  Generally, things move much faster and ship within a week but you have now been warned of the possibility of delays.  For some insight into which stein is the best fit for you, I rambled on that a while back. Dewars that are on hand for me to build steins with RIGHT NOW can be found here.
  10. BBotE Production Is First Come, First Served: My maximum daily production output is 12L per day. Thus, people who request 12pk cases will lock up production for an entire day.
  11. There’s No Kosher Or Halal Certification: While Robert Anton Wilson did confer the papacy upon me, and all the other people in the Porter College Dining Hall at UCSC, this does not permit me to sanctify food.  Sorry.
  12. REALLY, I’m not kidding and never have been, the 4300mL Stein of Science is Ridiculously Large: Seriously, BIG.  It will should take an entire pre-game, Super Bowl, and wrap up to go through this much beer.  Or one cricket match. You may think you are a super drankin’ badass, but consider that you may want to drink more often than once a year, so think about a smaller size. Far be it from me to dissuade you from giving me money, but I’m just saying, dude, it’s big.

Yet Another Q&A

Oddly, there’s been another surge of questions lately that have come in often enough that I reckon I should tackle them for the benefit of everyone:

Scott Wegener has perfectly captured me at work

Scott Wegener has perfectly captured me at work

Question 1: “Holy crap, you’re Atomic Robo’s Phil!” – Vernon, Goleta, CA

Okay, that’s not a question but with the current story arc of Atomic Robo, Volume 10: The Ring of Fire, there’s been a hell of a lot of people that seem to have made the connection in their head finally. Yes, that is my ugly mug which Scott Wegener has adapted for the comic page. I also get the pleasure of bullshitting with them about science as the Science/Weirdness Consultant. This mainly consists of sending Brian Clevinger this picture all day long. I could probably set up a macro to do this, but I like the personal touch.

Question 2: “What the fuck is with the $5 shipping & handling charge? It’s bad enough I’m paying shipping without that shit. This coffee better be fucking gold!” – Mario M., Staten Island, NY

I specifically chose Mario’s version of this question because he was clearly the most irate & profane of them; the one that tempted me to just refund his money and add his email to the block list. PROTIP: abusing people while asking a question does not make them more inclined to answer your question.

The shipping and handling is the price you’re paying to get the packaging that will get your item to you in one piece and worth consuming, with a side order of my time playing shipping department. Now, you may ask “Why do I pay this again even on refills when I’m sending it back to you in the original shipper?” That is something that I realized was unfair a while back, which is why the refill discount got cranked up from 10% to 20%.

The next question is somewhat related.

Question 3“Can you sell this through Amazon or some local storefront so I don’t have to pay shipping?” – Amanda K., New York, NY

I understand the desire to pay as little as possible for the thing that isn’t the product itself and there’s a heck of a lot of people that have asked some variation on this question. The short answer is no, though if you’re lucky enough to live in a city in the US with a BBotE Ambassador there you can effectively get it without shipping costs.

The longer version is that Amazon’s supplier relations business model isn’t all that friendly to small producers and their shipping model is based on an economy of scale you have to be Amazon sized to compete with. I, thankfully, am not competing with them but they’ve trained a generation accustomed to a marketplace that provides them with their heart’s desire with one click, overnight, and no shipping costs. You’d think that all this shipping would be saving the USPS’ keister except that economy of scale bit has driven down the margins on postage to the point that it barely covers the wear and tear on the post office’s trucks. Amazon drives a hard bargain in several senses.

And, yes, BBotE has to ship at least at priority mail speeds for domestic orders. Any slower than that, and my faith in it getting to you in a timely manner is weak.

Question 4: “The postal service sucks in around here. Why can’t you ship FedEx?” – John P., State College, PA

You won’t find FedEx as shipping option because, hoo nelly, for all the people that don’t like the price of USPS priority mail you get to pay at least double for the pleasure of FedEx. You also won’t see UPS as a shipping option on the website ever as I have beef with them as a mere recipient of packages, much less trying to ship things with them.

One of those statistics I hear bandied about and I’m inclined to view with a certain level of skepticism is that 3% of packages and letters that go through USPS are lost, damaged or undeliverable. Based on my own five years of heavy shipping experience, their failure rate before implementing their tracking on priority mail was somewhere closer to .4% of my shipments. For the last year and change, my postal problems have mainly been related to people not filling out their address completely/correctly.

Now, that’s strictly domestic mail. Oz Post and I are getting along well as of late. But Parcelforce in Great Britain and Chronoforce in France, oh man, I assume UPS will find a way to merge with those firms to vanish into singularity of abhorrent customer service and incompetence. Really, I have no idea how any package successfully gets anywhere in England and consider it a minor miracle when it happens.

Question 5: “Can you teach me how to make BBotE at home for myself? I promise that this isn’t for sale or profit.” – Matt K., Menlo Park, CA

No, but I welcome you to read the original BBotE posts, glean what information you can and start experimenting. That’s been the most fun part about all of this for me and I wouldn’t want to deprive you of it. If you want my process without the years of effort that went into it for all the various different coffees, well, you’re effectively asking to buy me out of the business and that ain’t gonna come cheap. As the great sage Homer Simpson once said, “Money is exchanged for goods and services.”

Question 6: “Have you considered using your BBotE process on something else, like tea?” – Mike N., Cottonwood, AZ

I get asked this question a lot and had previously answered it here. The TL;DR version is: the pharmacopoeia of “tea” is complex and there sure are a lot different teas in the world.

That said, I did do an experiment a couple weeks back with cascara, AKA the dried coffee cherry or “Bolivian Army Coffee”, from the amusingly named Klatch Coffee just to see what I could see. I was, in short, quite impressed with the result.

The coffee cherry fruit actually has more caffeine in it than the coffee beans do, though the resulting cascara tea that you make typically only results in a drink with about quarter to half the caffeine of a comparably sized cup of coffee. I can’t really call what resulted from putting cascara through my normal processing a Black Blood of the Earth (for one thing it isn’t as dark as the tar entity for ST:TNG) but I like the result. It’s incredibly sweet to me, as if I’d added honey to it or somehow managed to make drinkable raisins with a hint of mint & cherry. Reminded me a lot of Moroccan high tea, minus an entire jar of sugar cubes. It’s quite peppy and I seem to have gotten the caffeine out of the fruit quite nicely.

I’m doing longevity tests on it now. If it works out, I may make it available now and then in the store. Still need to figure out what I’m going to call it though.

A Labor Day Recipe

Test Subject Ivan has kindly submitted his BBotE rib recipe for you all in the aftermath of one of America’s prime BBQing holidays. Enjoy!

Six shots, each shot is roughly one and a half ounces. That’s over a cup of BBotE. And Deathwish? Hoh, boy, that’s just over half a cup of the deadliest joe ever concentrated. Another two or three shots, and it’s a guaranteed heart attack. Of course, this is for two racks of ribs. One Herr Funranium gave an estimate of three shots per rack (around 8 pounds of meat and bone).
Thankfully, however, they infused the ribs with a slightly dark red color after about twelve hours marinating with a dash of salt, pepper, and smoked paprika. A little dijon mustard to make sure they coat and that’s that.
Here are the ingredients for the marinade of two racks of cut porky ribs:
9 fluid oz of BBotE ‘Deathwish’
3 fluid oz of dijon mustard
1 tbsp of salt, pepper, and smoked paprika (if you don’t have smoked, regular does just as well.)
Mix and coat the ribs, cover in a container to let the deliciously deadly coffee to soak in overnight. (I found that the longer the coffee infuses into the meat, the more pronounced it’s flavor)
Now, here comes the part where you cook the meat. Being an asian with folks who prefer asian flair in the cookery closet of spices, I had a limited selection to choose from. Still; it’s not a bad selection. After all, I had some special stuff to go with it all.
3-4 fat garlic cloves, peeled and sliced
5 cm piece of fresh ginger, peeled and sliced (I find that the thinner the ginger is sliced, the more fragrant the result)
2 tsp dried chilli flakes (to taste)
1 tsp Sichuan peppercorns
9 whole star anise
8 tbsp runny honey
2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
300 ml Drambuie (Regular scotch, brandy, cognac, or even a cheap red will do)
400 ml pork broth (made with previous batch of test ribs and trimmings)
Equipment:
Large frying pan or cooking tray.
So first is drying the meat and then browning it in a hot pan or cooking tray with a little olive or rapeseed oil. You want to dry it beforehand because once it comes into contact with hot oil…well, that stuff can hurt. Anyway, you want to brown the meat in either a pan or a cooking tray, caramelizing the meat on all sides. You know when it’s browning when it makes contact with the pan and it sizzles loudly. Let them brown and sprinkle in the garlic, ginger, chili flakes, peppercorns, star anise, and honey.
Once all sides are browned, pour in the scotch to deglaze the pan and pick up all the delicious flavor stuck on the bottom. Bring it to a simmer and slowly drizzle the balsamic vinegar into the mix of ribs and scotch. Reduce and then add in the pork broth. The broth should just barely reach the sides of the ribs.
Note: If you’re using the frying pan, transfer the browned meat to a roasting tray and deglaze with the alcohol, then add to the tray once it is reduced to half and the alcohol is burned off. Add the pork broth into the roasting tray.
Stick the whole lot into the oven at 365 degrees Fahrenheit and let it roast for half an hour. Once half an hour is finished, turn the ribs and roast for another half hour. Pull out and let rest as the caramelized sauce thickens on it’s own once it cools.
Tip: While cooling it can create a very sweet delicious glaze, I find it best to reduce it and then let it cool to let the taste of spice and coffee to come through even more strongly.
Note: By the time I’ve sent this, roughly four in the morning, I will note I have only eaten six ribs roughly eight hours ago and am still wide awake. Devour with caution!

Old Friends Are Back

Just a quick heads up that while I’m sad Panama left the line up for the season last month, but two old favorites are back again and you can review their flavor profiles here.

After a year off , Guatemala Nueva Vinas from the lovely folks at Caffe Vita is back again. I have pounced on it thusly for you and will be doing my best to keep a steady pipeline of it going as long as I can. As of this post, it’s now available as radio button for all the normal pre-order slots on the store.

More importantly, considering the number of people that wanted heads up as soon as I got some more in again, Jamaica Blue Mountain is finally back. Between weather, blight, the narrow bands of coffee cultivation shifting and ever increasing demand, this crop is getting harder to get a hold of. It is, unfortunately, getting more and more expensive. As I said at the end of last year:

For the foreseeable future, Jamaica Blue Mountain is off the table. As I mentioned a while back that last time it disappeared, the crops coming out of Jamaica for the past several years have been painfully small, while demand has only gone up. This means that my roasters of choice are hard pressed to get any when it comes up on auction. If, and this looks increasingly unlikely, they are able to get any beans, the prices are likely to jump up by at least 25%. Considering how painfully expensive the Jamaica Blue Mountain BBotE is, that probably takes it out of even “Extravagant Gift” price range for folks. If you really, really want some, ask and I’ll see what I can do.

And, oh yes, those prices on the beans did go up. However, for the moment, I’m holding the Jamaica Blue Mountain BBotE prices steady where they were last year because I want it to at least stay merely ridiculous but attainable. I don’t know how long supply is going to last so enjoy it while it’s here.

In other news, I’ve been on jury duty for the last several weeks. It has been enlightening as I never thought I’d be allowed to remain on the panel, though not necessarily in the sense you might think. With respect to the potential jurors that were dismissed, I ask you to please consider what a life of innumeracy is like. I have met, talked, and helped people with illiteracy. I know how they made their way through life and they made no bones about it that it was hard, but you doable. I have no idea how someone functions with no real concept of numbers. This is the most alien mind I have ever met and it’s been gnawing on my mind how this person’s life worked.

Don’t Panic, New Slots Going Up

DON'T PANIC - In customary Megadodo Publishing "Super Soothe" font (courtesy of BBC Two Productions)

DON’T PANIC – In customary Megadodo Publishing “Super Soothe” font (courtesy of BBC Two Productions)

Okay, wow. Despite the ongoing denial of service attack, despite all the backend fiddling with hosting we’ve had to do to keep Funranium Labs up, you’ve managed to zero out all the June 13th pre-order window slots. Ten days early at that. I am impressed. Perhaps you’re all having residual horror from last year when The Month Without BBotE happened and are getting while the getting’s good.

In answer to the plaintive cries of folks that want to get their place in the production queue, I’m opening the June 27th window early. Because the coding for the store is only so smart, if you’ve already put your order in and then go to check the website you will see a note of “Will Ship No Later Than June 27th” on something you expected no later than the 13th, but don’t worry. Your orders are already on the production board and will get out in a timely manner, but I need to let other people get in line.

Theoretically, there’s some Ambassador resupplies due to go out soon too. More news as it develops.

New Things, Departures, & Fun

Alright, I’ve good news, better news, great news, and a small bummer for you all.

The bummer: my roaster of choice for my Panama declares end of season. Accordingly, it has been removed as a selection on the radio buttons when you’re placing an order. It will be missed, as it always is, and hopefully will return to us in six months or so, El Niño and blights permitting.

The good: I am pleased to announce that the BBotE Embassy of Dublin, Ireland is now active again! Jonathan, who you can contact by email bahrae [at] yahoo [dot] com, is stocked with 1L bottles for €70. His case should arrive tomorrow if you want to lay claim to some of his sweet caffeinated bounty.

The better: I got to play with Lego and hang out with fun people! Norm and Will at tested.com have a segment that I am quite fond of called “Lego With Friends”. As I am a friendly person, with impeccable Lego credentials of insobriety thanks to the Liquor ‘n’ Lego tradition, they invited me on. The first episode of the series of five is free for the world to see, though the subsequent ones are premium content. For those of you that’ve been reading the blog all along, some stories may sound familiar. These are the same two guys that have previously run the Octobercast fundraiser that I joined them on at  stupid in the morning two years ago, but luckily there was BBotE.

PERFECTLY NORMAL COFFEE

PERFECTLY NORMAL COFFEE – Approved for filthy mammal consumption.

The great: THERE IS A DR. DINOSAUR LABEL FOR BBOTE!!! Folks have been asking if this could happen since… well… conservatively speaking, since the Tesladyne & Atomic Robo labels first appeared. In thanks for the support over years and to celebrate Atomic Robo Volume 10 kicking off online, half a page a day, every day, Scott & Brian gave me their blessing to make up a Dr. Dinosaur label. And here it is, DR. DINOSAUR’S PERFECTLY NORMAL COFFEE!

I would also like to extend tremendous thanks for this label existing to Test Subject Miller who did tremendous amounts of art & graphic design work so that this label could see the light of day. Scott may’ve created Dr. Dino, but cramming his goofy therapod butt onto a label wasn’t easy, she wow’d Scott & I with her tinkering, and now it’s finally here. If you wish to see her other arts, some of which are quite naughty so can’t say you haven’t been warned, you can go hit her deviantArt page here.

End of Year Update

As we wind down into the final days of 2014, I have done some assessment of the state of production to let you know the lay of the land for 2015. Resupply cases are headed to Wish in New York City and Natara in Los Angeles, though I’m pretty sure Natara’s is completely slated for a tasting party for New Year’s.

After the production window ending January 3rd closes, I will be winding the coffee engines down for a week because I jump on a plane shortly there after to head to CES 2015 (reprising the 2011 CES journey). For that reason, the next window will go until January 24th since I’ll be out of town. I will be spending most of my time in Vegas for CES at Caesar’s if for some reason you wanted me to bring a stein with me for you. I also happily accept cocktails if you can find me.

Anyway, status reports in no particular order:

1) Changes to the Flavor Line Up – For the foreseeable future, Jamaica Blue Mountain is off the table. As I mentioned a while back that last time it disappeared, the crops coming out of Jamaica for the past several years have been painfully small, while demand has only gone up. This means that my roasters of choice are hard pressed to get any when it comes up on auction. If, and this looks increasingly unlikely, they are able to get any beans, the prices are likely to jump up by at least 25%. Considering how painfully expensive the Jamaica Blue Mountain BBotE is, that probably takes it out of even “Extravagant Gift” price range for folks. If you really, really want some, ask and I’ll see what I can do.

Otherwise, the availability of the rest of the varieties appears to be stable. There’s a chance that Ipsento Panama will run out and that Congo will come back.

2) BBotE Ambassadorships – At this time, I have no intention to expand the number of BBotE Ambassadors out there. The addition of of Melbourne (Australia), Toronto (Canada), Albuquerque, NM and Prescott, AZ at the end of last year was a bit of a push and I’d like to make sure they get established and I can handle their demand before adding anyone else. Sadly, after this case Wish is hanging up her hat in New York City. I’m afraid secure buildings have made easy hand off to folks tricky.

3) Price Changes in Australia – My retail prices of BBotE have stayed stable for the past several years despite generally rising prices in coffee and supplies. I like my price points and want to keep them there as long as I can. However, in one place, they’re going to have to change: BBotE Ambassador hand off in Australia. As a kindness, I’ve been letting people just pay in AUD as it was more or less 1:1 for the exchange rate. Was is the operative term. I’m afraid those prices are now something closer to AUD90. Sorry, everyone down there. Melbourne & Perth rates are now a titch higher starting January 1st.

So far, this isn’t coming to Toronto or London yet, but I’m watching those rates.

4) THE DEADLY RADIATIONS!!! – As I have often said, the price of writing about interesting things is that it takes time away from doing interesting things. I have high hopes of actually getting a few more tales up here in the coming year. The TL;DR version of 2014 has been “Goddammit, you still aren’t dying from Fukushima, stop calling me.” Also, if you are need of something to donate to for tax reasons and like tales of radiation, may I recommend the Atomic Heritage Foundation to you?

5) Travel – Other than the trip to Las Vegas in the first week of January I mentioned above, nothing specific is on the docket. There’s been mutterings about a mission behind the Orange Curtain and possibly Boston, but nothing concrete. Nothing that shuts down production for a month like the Great Cross-Country Journey of 2014.

THE DECEMBERING™ 2014: The Home Stretch

The last of the December 6th production window BBotE, along with several steins and resupply for the BBotE Ambassador of Melbourne, are now out the door. This means that the December 17th BBotE production window is now open. The last of the dewars I ordered in preparation for the 17th window are due to arrive on Tuesday, at which the “steins on hand” numbers will lock in for the rest of the year.

Thanks to the kind endorsement of io9 and The Wirecutter gift buying guides, it is fair to say that slots are disappearing at a fair clip this year. After the 17th, another set of slots will go up, however I won’t be able to guarantee anything making it before Christmas at that point. If you’re in the last minute crowd, drop me an email and we can see what we can make happen. (PROTIP: not being picky about what variety you get really helps with that)

And with that, it’s time to closely research this scene to learn the secrets of the classic LAPD holiday punch, courtesy of “L.A. Confidential”.