Caffeinating PAX East & Other Sundry Information

Soon, PAX East will descend upon Boston like the plague of locusts that it is, consuming all the Cheetos, Pocky, and Mountain Dew within that fair Commonwealth. I won’t be there, but Black Blood of the Earth will be. Test Subject & Steinwielder ECT has kindly volunteered himself as The Mule to PAX East as he is driving there and has room to fit cases in his trunk. Note how I used the plural term there. The point is that you, the caffeinated public, have a chance to have ultracoffee and not have to screw around with BBotE in your checked luggage AND avoid shipping charges.

How much ECT brings with him is up to you. If you want me to send along something in the case for him to bring up for you, you need to drop me a line and tell me what you want and give me your contact info. I will then pass this along to ECT so he can get ahold of you at PAX, git yer money, and give you your caffeinated delights. 750ml bottles will run $45 and 1000ml will be $60 for direct hand off. I’ll probably arm him with sampler vials too. If you really, really want a Jug of Madness schlepped for you…we’ll talk.

Moving on to other hard learned lessons, remember when I long ago declared that the flavor of BBotE is stable for about three months if kept refrigerated? Some folks have reported that it has stayed stable longer but I’m sticking with my three months to stay on the conservative side. However, if you were born in a barn and insist on drinking directly from the bottle and backwashing your filthy monkey germs into it, I’ll be surprised if it lasts longer than a couple of weeks after your first swig even if you keep it cold. Your mother would be ashamed of you.

Monkey Assesses The Threat
IMMINENT MONKEY - Monkey Assesses The Threat, Could Bite At ANY MOMENT (taken at the San Francisco Zoo, 2008)

If you have no idea what kind of a cesspit the human mouth is, just wait until you get bit by a young child for the first time. I am also recalling the month or so one police officer went on medical leave after being bitten by a homeless man and the long hard fight to find some …any… antibiotic that would actually work for his infection. This is why it is vitally important to bite a chunk out of people who attack you; they will probably run away because they will, rightfully, see you as too crazy to be worth the effort, plus you’ll be able to tell the police to check the hospitals for the person with the recognizable bite marks who is dying of a fever, with amputation imminent for gangrene.

That’s your free self-defense and sanitation tip for today!