Spambot(?) Q&A

As an increasingly infamous denizen of the Internet, I am forced to reckon with the potent evolving AIs that want to give me formidable never-ending erections for the Russian girls that want to talk just to me. Our robot overlords only want what’s best for Herr Direktor Funranium, obviously.

Charles Stross had a very good discussion about the Spamularity. I spend at least 15 minutes a day obliterating the chaff coming at Funranium Labs and the Contact Us link and not all of it is easy to dismiss. In this Q&A, I am answering those questions that are sufficiently strange in content but well enough written that I’m pretty sure that they weren’t generated by bots. I will not, however, rule out the possibility that the bots have sufficiently evolved that they can appreciate my beard.

Question 1: Your beard is neat looking. What kind of a razor do you use to get it like that?

Answer 1: What? Are you sure you aren’t a Gillette bot? Most of the time, I use a set of Wahl clippers to beat the hedge back. Having Type 2 red hair, however, my stubble goes to 40 grit sandpaper within hours of shaving. Some days I need to be presentable to strangers that have higher standards of civility than my normal relaxed Warren Ellis quote offensive t-shirt and wild eyed hypercaffeinated stare. When that is needed, or I need to don a full face respirator, I have this antique Gillette safety razor I picked up shortly after returning from Antarctica. Note the tasteful brass of the razor and regal purple felt cushioning of the box:

The 1911 Gillette Safety Razor

The 1911 Gillette Safety Razor

Question 2: These steins are really beautiful. Would they work well on Kilimanjaro or other African volcanoes?

Answer 2: I am almost certain you are a sophisticated bot that synthesized from several previous posts. Bravo for this feat of content recognition.

More seriously, the dewars are rather robust from an air pressure sensitivity point of view. You may feel free to eject them from the airlock of Discovery if you like and they won’t pop. Send them to the bottom of Challenger Deep and they’ll probably crush under the pressure, but I doubt you’ll be doing any beer drinking aboard ALVIN anyway.

If you are a Woods Hole Oceanic Institute employee and going to do drinking aboard ALVIN, notify me at once to receive your Stein of Science. No, I am not kidding, all I demand is pictures.

Question 3: Would you go to other zeppelin hangars and review them for us? I like your style.

Answer 3: In a heartbeat. I’ve actually gotten a lot of positive feedback, mostly of a despairing nature, about my field trip to NASA Ames Research Center. Not a lot of then left, sadly, and they are scattered to the winds around the world. On a positive note, I’ve gotten some destinations to visit on future Scientific Drinking Tours. The likely next one will be the Tillamook Air Museum, and it comes with CHEESE!

Incidentally, if any of you around out there have actually been to the other sites, particularly the one in Brazil, I’d love to hear about them.

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