With the shipments that just went out today, and the few remaining for tomorrow, the December 17th BBotE production window draws to a close. According to the nice ladies at the post office, everything should reach their respective destinations by next Monday at the latest. The next production slots, ending on January 3rd, 2015 are now up for most all items on the site. I will do everything in my power to crank out as much BBotE as possible out the door in hopes of getting out to folks before the holidays end but there’s no guarantees at this point.
So, if you wanted to get something for someone for Christmas or Hanukkah and the last minute has bitten you in the butt because I can’t possibly get something to you in time, I do have one final option for you: Gift Certificates. I deeply apologize that you can’t give someone a gift certificate in excess of $1000 on Funranium Labs, but such is life.
As for steins, supplies are, in a word, depleted. Those numbers will rebound sometime in mid-January.
It is now time for some good holiday cheer as only my favorite artist can provide:
The last of the December 6th production window BBotE, along with several steins and resupply for the BBotE Ambassador of Melbourne, are now out the door. This means that the December 17th BBotE production window is now open. The last of the dewars I ordered in preparation for the 17th window are due to arrive on Tuesday, at which the “steins on hand” numbers will lock in for the rest of the year.
Thanks to the kind endorsement of io9 and The Wirecutter gift buying guides, it is fair to say that slots are disappearing at a fair clip this year. After the 17th, another set of slots will go up, however I won’t be able to guarantee anything making it before Christmas at that point. If you’re in the last minute crowd, drop me an email and we can see what we can make happen. (PROTIP: not being picky about what variety you get really helps with that)
And with that, it’s time to closely research this scene to learn the secrets of the classic LAPD holiday punch, courtesy of “L.A. Confidential”.
The next milestone has been hit: Stein #600 and it’s companion #601, a 665ml FMJ for the low low price of free, are now on their way to New Jersey for a what I can only hope is a very enjoyable Thanksgiving feast.
In other news, Congo has departed the ranks of BBotE to be replaced by an excellent Tanzania from that same roaster. It’s very similar to to the Congo in flavor, which considering these to farms are on either side of Lake Tanganyika. It’s the same dry red wine & baking chocolate, but a bit sweeter. Kinda smoky on the end. I like it and am happy to put it up in the roster for you all to choose from. As always, the BBotE flavor profiles can be found here.
Resupply of all the BBotE Ambassadors is going as fast as possible. London’s just went out today, should arrive at the end of the week. Chicago asks that people come clean them out as soon as possible because there is a need for more refrigerator room to hold Thanksgiving leftovers. DC/Baltimore is headed out of the country for the holidays, so if you want BBotE around the capital, drop him a line before December 15th. If you’d like to grab something locally, drop them a line. Ambassadors are standing by.
And, as I will do in every post between now and the end of the year, a link to THE DECEMBERING(tm) 2014 information.
I feel this is a good visual metaphor for sending this message in October. (image courtesy of the DOE/NNSA Nevada Site Office Historical Archive)
As the city’s contractors start putting lights up in the trees before all the leaves have even fallen yet, it is time for me to grimly face the holiday season and say the words that must be said.
The last pre-Xmas BBotE production window will close on December 17th. All things being equal, domestic or international, everything shipped by the 17th should end up at their destination by Christmas Eve. I can’t control weather doom snarling the global postal system utterly, but a week is usually quite sufficient even taking weather into account. I will put another pre-order window up after the 17th, but I make absolutely no guarantees about shipments in that window arriving before Xmas. I’ll do what I can, but that’s all I can do.
As far as steins go, I have a rather large shipment of dewars slated to show up right just a bit before Thanksgiving. The “steins on hand” should dramatically increase, so keep an eye out on that page for the fluctuating numbers.
Speaking of Steins of Science, we’re approaching another milestone again. Just as I did for Stein #200 and #400, whoever orders Stein #600 is also getting #601, a 665ml FMJ, FOR FREE. The current count is in the high 500s, so it won’t be long.
To reiterate shopping advice from the previous year, here’s a few things you should probably think about if you decide to place an order for a holiday gift from Funranium Labs:
- BBotE Is Perishable: When refrigerated, it has a shelf-life of about three months (possibly longer, but I’m only going to quote three). If you’re going to wrap it up and put it under the tree, this a present to put out on Christmas Eve and the promptly put back in the fridge after unwrapping. Alternatively, embrace the idea of the holiday season and decide that give it to the recipient immediately, for all days are special.
- Let People Know BBotE Is Coming: I know part of the joy in presents is the surprise of what you get. However, joy is not the emotion most people feel when a bottle of mysterious black liquid shows up on their doorstep, especially if it’s been sitting there for a week outside because they were out of town. Give them a heads up, that something’s coming they’ll want to stick in the fridge. I will also tuck handling instructions in the box for a gift and a note stating who sent it if you ask me to.
- The pre-order slot dates date are “Ship No Later Than”, not “Ships After”. I get your orders out as soon as I can, but even in the furthest flung corner of the US with the slowest mail carrier, this means you should have your order in hand by December 21st for that last set of late order slots. If you want to order something NOW to ship later, in effect reserving a spot in a later order queue, you can do so but please leave a note with your order telling me when you want it to ship by.
- Yes, I will probably add a extra more slots as I get a handle on how much I can make at the last minute but shipping gets dicey in those last days before Christmas.
- International Shipments Of BBotE Go Out Express Mail: Because I don’t want BBotE to get stuck in postal facilities or customs, express is the only way to ship to minimize their time in bureaucratic hell. Expect it to take 3-5 business days to get to you, so time your orders accordingly to make sure things get to you in time.
- APO/FPO: If you wish to send something out to someone with an Armed Forces address, there’s good news and bad news. Good news – it’s no more expensive than priority mail. Bad news – I can’t guarantee any date as to when things will arrive. Outside of active war zones, things move somewhat normally; inside war zones and ships at sea, things get iffy. Also, depending on routing, some nations (I’m looking at you, Turkey) have bounced BBotE on the basis that it is, and I quote, “Morally Questionable Material” because, obviously, any liquid from the West must be alcoholic in nature. In short, I’ll do my best but you’ve been warned.
- Local Pick Up: Resupply shipments will go out to all the BBotE Ambassadors as fast as I can crank them out, so be sure to drop them a line if grabbing a bottle that way is convenient for you. I’m sure they’d like clean and empty refrigerators as their Christmas present.
- Turkey, Italy & Brazil: It breaks my heart to say this, I can’t ship to these countries. Italy, I absolutely do not trust your postal system. The level of theft shipping things anywhere south of Rome is, frankly, appalling. If you ask me to ship to Naples, I make absolutely zero guarantee of it arriving. Brazil, your customs causes shipment to languish for so long that the BBotE goes off before it arrives, even if shipped express; steins seem to be fine though. Turkey, well, I discussed those problems in #6.
- Steins of Science Have Lead Time Too: The steins are built to order and it sometimes takes a while to get parts in. Generally, things move much faster and ship within a week but you have now been warned of the possibility of delays. For some insight into which stein is the best fit for you, I rambled on that a while back. Dewars that are on hand for me to build steins with RIGHT NOW can be found here.
- BBotE Production Is First Come, First Served: My maximum daily production output is 12L per day. Thus, people who request 12pk cases will lock up production for an entire day.
- There’s No Kosher Or Halal Certification: While Robert Anton Wilson did confer the papacy upon me, and all the other people in the Porter College Dining Hall, this does not permit me to sanctify food. Sorry.
- REALLY, the 4300mL Stein of Science Is Ridiculously Large: Seriously, BIG. It will should take an entire pre-game, Super Bowl, and wrap up to go through this much beer. Or one cricket match. You may think you are a super drankin’ badass, but consider that you may want to drink more often than once a year, so think about a smaller size. Far be it from me to dissuade you from giving me money, but I’m just sayin’…
[Professor Farnsworth Voice] GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! with one small bit of bad news
First off, many of you appear to have noticed that the BBotE ordering window that closes on October 11th is up, so order away to get your spot in line.
Second, as of my trip to the post office yesterday, I am pleased to inaugurate not one, not two, but THREE new BBotE Ambassadors for local pick up. They are:
- Melbourne, Australia – Kavi, kaviblackblood [at] gmail [dot] com. An acolyte of the Ambassador of Perth, Kavi has decided that in addition, to being an anesthesiologist, that “the coffee nut capital of Australia” deserved representation. He is stocked with 1L bottles for $75 a piece. He’s actually on resupply now, as his first case went away before I could even announce him.
- Prescott, AZ – Dan, bbote [at] deusexcaffeina [dot] com. As someone who got his first taste of BBotE at DEFCON thanks to the very alliterative Coffee Consul of Chicago, he wanted a more regular supply to Arizona. Now he has it and so do you. I’m also to understand that he makes regular trips to Flagstaff. He is stocked with 750ml bottles for $45 each.
- Toronto, Canada – Justin, BBotEToronto [at] gmail [dot] com. Justin is another
victim happy customer of the Caffeine Consul of Chicago, except he was making the trip from the Great White North to get it. It was an altogether more reasonable thing to just turn him into Canada’s first BBotE Ambassador to take care of our caffeinated brethren & sistren across the border. He’s currently stocked with 1L bottles for $75 each.
They’re fun people, so drop ‘em a line!
Now for the bad news. The Guatemala Nueva Vinas crop is done for the season and the Jamaica Blue Mountain is gone for at least a month. In general, the coffee crops of the New World have taken a double hit from weather (read: drought and/or floods) and a blight called coffee rust. Depending on the country and crop, coffee production is down by 10-30% but that’s an aggregate measure. Some individual farms have been utterly wiped out, or seen such a dramatic decline they hardly have enough to sell to gain the premium price of “single origin”, instead getting bulked at a much lower cost.
I am hoping the Nueva Vinas isn’t gone for good, but it’s run has come to an early end this year. Do not mourn it but rather hope for it’s return.