To end 2025 on a high note, a long promised story.
Once upon a time, I went to Italy. This was a very good idea and I recommend it. I don’t necessarily recommend doing some of the things I did over the span of two weeks in Rome, Florence, and Naples but they were all character building. Here’s a series of PROTIPS:
- If you’re going to Pompeii & Herculaneum, for most of the year, start your day early. You want to get to Pompeii at opening time not only to avoid the crowds but to walk the streets of the ruins before the sun bakes it and there’s no easy shade. I was there in early April and it was already too warm for me out in the scavi by lunch time. Local children outside will try to sell you limoncello (NOTE: it is not lemonade). It will be delicious but it’s not time for drinking yet.
- Be sure to go to the Museo Archeologic d’Napoli if you want to see 1/3 of the treasures pulled out of Pompeii & Herculaneum rather than just the architecture. The other thirds are in the Vatican Museum and the Louvre because at the time of discovery a Bourbon sat on the throne of France, was the Duke of Naples, and was Pope. No one loots like a Bourbon and they like to share amongst family for favors.
- If you go to Italy during Holy Week, just know there’s gonna be some weird shit happening in every town the whole time, culminating with Easter. It can get very cultural, by which I mean a lot of fireworks and drinking.
- If you like to aimlessly wander around cities, it pays to recognize team supporter organization graffiti. In many countries, but especially Italy, various teams have political party association which is something as old as organized sport itself. All this is to say that it would have been nice if I’d been able to recognize when I’d transitioned from the Fascist team supporter turf to the Communist team supporter turf as I followed the Aurelian Walls. I was informed by a football hooligan from Manchester, who I should note was deported from Italy at 6am the following morning, that I could have died there. In my experience, both areas had equally good cappuccino.
- Just like when you’re trying to avoid drop bears, strangle vines, and jungle snakes, look up. Some interesting but rarely visited places may just be a flight of stairs away, like the Ara Coeli, AKA the former Roman mint.
But the story I want to share today is about Florence, pants, and a the nice things you do for friends.
My old mentor Dewey loves Florence and he also loves fine Italian clothes. When I told him I was going to Italy, he got very excited an insisted that I go to Por Santo Maria Leather right next to the Ponte Vecchio. That I go see the proprietor, Vittorio, and tell him that Dewey said hi. Por Santo Maria Leather is representative of how history is still here, now and Italy is full of it. 10 generations ago, Vittorio’s family successfully had too many sons and managed to not kill enough of them in petty wars or industrial accidents. His family, quite a few generations earlier, had been named tailors to the Medici family but only one son could inherit the business. And so, one of the younger sons decided to learn a new trade, leatherwork. But he’d grown up and spent his childhood learning how to make clothes, so it wasn’t a big stretch to apply those same skills to leather.
I’d had plans for that day in Florence. I was going to do other thing beyond see the bridge and drop in to give Dewey’s regards. I ended up staying at Por Santo Maria Leather for six hours and I absolutely didn’t regret it. What Dewey neglected to mention was that right next door to Vittorio’s shop was a fantastic deli and Vittorio made full use of that as part of his sales pitch. Because it would be inhospitable to not offer you fine pork products, wine, cappuccino, and chocolates while discussing the things you wanted to buy. I understand this as a sales tactic to endear a potential customer, but for me it was pure bonus of letting Vittorio show off the delights Florence had to offer. You see, I walked in the door there with a shopping list in mind and had brought measurements with me: a long coat for my lovely assistant, a jacket for me, and a pair of fine leather pants for my friend Thea. The idea of custom leather clothing that actually fit was very appealing to all of us, Thea most of all.
What I was not prepared for was the floor show. Vittorio’s staff weren’t just salespeople, they were also clothes models. If you were interested in a particular thing, they would change into it so you could see how it looked on someone much more attractive than you, to give you the hope that you might look this good. For me, it was easy enough to take my measurements and make sure that jacket was going to be right. But for my lovely assistant and Thea’s clothes, he insisted that they be modeled so I could judge. This is where Giovanna enters the story. It is worth noting that while she never spoke any English, I’m pretty sure that she could understand it when it was spoken.
Vittorio: I have many options that could work for your wife.
Giovanna: [enters wearing a pink ostrich leather coat]
Me: Her preference was for black. Softer the leather the better.
Giovanna: [does a quick exit and return in a coat worthy of The Matrix if it were made in Italy]
Vittorio: [winks] Ahhhhh, girls who like black are good girls.
For Thea’s pants he regretted he didn’t have much in stock left and they didn’t make them anymore.
Me: Why don’t you make pants anymore?
Vittorio: [very apologetic face as he sampled something from the meat tray] Tourists, you see. They come, we measure them and make the clothes. But this takes weeks and in those weeks Italy will feed you and then people are angry when they get them and they don’t fit.
Me: [samples more meat] I can see how that happens.
Vittorio: [refills my vin santo, sighs] It’s better for jackets. You just don’t close them up. But pants…pants are not so forgiving.
Me: Ah, but Thea isn’t in Italy. You can’t be too generous to her an ocean away.
Vittorio: True, true. Let’s see if what I can do, let me see those measurements and we can see if I have anything in the back that will work.
And so, he and Giovanna went to the back to see what they could find. Not much unfortunately as Thea is quite petite, but so is Giovanna so the modeling began.
Vittorio: That’s larger than her measurements but is the smallest pair I have on hand.
Me: They’re quite nice but, really, Thea’s smaller than that.
Giovanna: [emits a loud burst of angry, offended Italian while wearing skin tight leather pants which I could interpret by tone alone]
Me: I absolutely did not say you were fat. Thea’s just very small.
Vittorio: [mollifying tone Italian to Giovanna who clearly asked a question in reply] Is your friend anorexic or something?
Me: Recovering, actually.
Vittorio: Oh.
Giovanna: [looks like she wants to cry]
Me: The measurements I gave you are actually a bit larger than they need to be. I want her to have something to grow into as she gets better, because she is getting better.
Vittorio: [stands, raises a finger to the sky like Raul Julia as Gomez Addams declaring “With god as my witness, I am that fool.”] THIS IS A NOBLE REASON TO MAKE PANTS! I will make them for your friend.
Happy New Year, everyone. May 2026 treat you well and give you a noble reason to do something.